


Those Words I said

by YaoiLuvr4Lyfe



Category: Free!
Genre: Domestic, Epistolary, Foreplay, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Loneliness, M/M, Multi, Self-Esteem Issues, but not for the whole fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:27:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4754909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaoiLuvr4Lyfe/pseuds/YaoiLuvr4Lyfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin's been in Australia for a couple of months and he feels incredibly self-conscious about his position within his relationship now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_4 Sept 20--, 21:05_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_

Hey,

 ~~Um~~ , ~~wanted to say I miss you heaps~~ how are you? Australia is great. Sou, they talk about you a lot. ~~Sometimes they forget I’m standing right next to them~~.

Haru, how is your swimming going? I can’t wait to come home and race you. I’m sure you’ll win, ~~like always~~. ~~maybe I’m just not good enough~~. ~~I thought about quitting today~~. ~~giving up on swimming~~.

Makoto, ~~I need you~~. How are you? How are the kids at work? I guess you must be working a lot ~~because you never seem to talk to me anymore.~~ Don’t stress yourself out too much, you’re great at what you do.

Sousuke, I hope your arm is better, you best be resting it, ~~you shit. I really miss you~~. Are you and Makoto keeping Haru from the pool in the cool weather? ~~I worry~~.

Anyway, I guess I should go. I’ll talk to you all soon.

 ~~Love you~~.

 

 _4 Sept 20--, 21:38:07_  
_To: Rin_  
_From: Makoto_

Rin!

How are you? We’re good. We miss you so much, when do you think you’ll be coming home?

The kids are brilliant at work, they’re learning so quickly and they are incredibly eager and enthusiastic to learn. I’ll have to bring you in one day so you can meet them. They’ve met Sousuke and Haruka plenty of times now, they love them and I know they’ll love you, too!

Haru is swimming a lot. We’ve managed to coax him into an inside pool so he’s at least a little warmer, and we’ve tried to call him out on some days, but he continues to insist on swimming. It’s okay, though, so long as he’s content.

Sousuke’s arm is healing beautifully, he’s almost back to swimming as much as Haru – but of course, that’s going to an extent I don’t think Sou can manage.

Don’t be a stranger, Rin. We love you!

Lot’s of love,

Makoto, Haruka and Sousuke.

 

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 03:07_  
_To: Makoto_  
_From: Rin_

~~I’ve told you so many times when I’m coming home. Have you forgotten again? Am I easy to forget? It’s okay, I guess. I’d forget me, too.~~

Sorry, I forgot to tell you, I’m back next Sunday.

I’m glad the kids love Haru and Sou so much, ~~I doubt they could become quite as attached to me, but~~ I’d love to meet them.

At least Haru swims inside, ~~I’m glad~~. ~~Sometimes I dream and it’s of him taking me in the pool, the way he did when we first got together, remember?~~

I’m happy about Sousuke’s arm, ~~maybe he can swing me around and carry me the way he used to.~~

Of course, nobody can swim as much as Haru, ~~he’s brilliant. But, then again, you’re all brilliant.~~

Anyway, ~~love you~~ , talk soon.

Rin.  

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 09:46_  
_To: Makoto_  
_From: Rin_

Hey,             

 ~~After a sleepless night, but I don’t want you to worry,~~ I’ve decided I’m going to come back earlier. If it isn’t a hassle, that is. I was hoping to come home on the Thursday, instead of the Sunday. Exactly a week from today.

 ~~Love you~~ ,

Rin

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 19:32_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_

In case you didn’t get my earlier email:

I might come home on the Thursday, instead of the Sunday, if that’s okay?

~~I love you guys and miss you so much~~

 

 _6 Sept 20--, 10:59_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_

I think you’ll be awake by now. Just a reminder, I’ll be coming home on Thursday. I bought my plane ticket already, not that I’m desperate. ~~who am I kidding, I miss you so much~~.

Anyway, yeah, I’ll see you soon.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 05:23_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

You don’t think I’m clingy, do you? I’m not being a hassle with all these emails?

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 05:36_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

I really miss you guys. So much, my chest aches.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 05: 49:_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

I hope everybody is okay, it’s been two days since I last heard from you and I know it was longer before, but that was my fault, because I was too worried that you didn’t care and it took so much for me to message you and then I did and you answered and it was okay, but now I feel like I’m just pissing you off.

I love you, in case I don’t say it enough.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 06:03_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

This is my fourth draft in less than an hour. I want to come home. I want to see you. I want to feel you and I’m sorry.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 06:09_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

I’ll stop now, but one more thing:

I love you all so much.

 

 _8 Sept 20--, 15:56_  
_To: Rin_  
_From: Computer System_

Matsuoka Rin,

There has been a problem with your email, please wait as our staff tries to fix it.

 

 _9 Sept 20--, 02:43_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

I think perhaps you didn’t get my email about coming home early, but I don’t have it in me to email again. My laptop is being really weird, so if I suddenly go offline, that is why.

But, considering how long you haven’t responded, I’m sure it won’t bother you if I suddenly disappear for a little while.

I love you.

 

 _9 Sept 20--, 06:19_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

I’m home in three days, I hope you don’t mind.

 

 _9 Sept 20--, 12:55_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

I love you.

I miss you.

Okay, have a good day.

 

 _9 Sept 20--, 13:23_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_  
_Draft_

I can refund my ticket if you tell me 48 hours before I’m due to arrive.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
_To: Rin_  
_From: Computer System_

Matsuoka Rin,

We have had problems with your system. Your drafted emails for this month have defaulted and sent automatically. We apologise for any inconvenience.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:30_  
_To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke_  
_From: Rin_

I cancelled my ticket, it’s okay.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The emails from Makoto, Haru and Sousuke's views.

_4 Sept 20--, 21:05_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

Hey,

how are you? Australia is great. Sou, they talk about you a lot.

Haru, how is your swimming going? I can’t wait to come home and race you. I’m sure you’ll win.

Makoto, how are you? How are the kids at work? I guess you must be working a lot. Don’t stress yourself out too much, you’re great at what you do.

Sousuke, I hope your arm is better, you best be resting it. Are you and Makoto keeping Haru from the pool in the cool weather?

Anyway, I guess I should go. I’ll talk to you all soon.

 

 _4 Sept 20--, 21:38:07_  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

 ~~Darling~~ Rin!             ~~~~

~~It’s been such a long time since we heard from you, we were beginning to worry.~~ How are you? We’re good ~~but we miss you terribly, won’t you come home right away.~~ We miss you so much, when do you think you’ll be coming home? ~~I know you’ve told us a million times but hearing you say it makes us feel like you can’t wait and we can’t wait to see you.~~ ~~~~

~~I would rather not talk about work, I want to talk about you.~~ The kids are brilliant at work, they’re learning so quickly and they are incredibly eager and enthusiastic to learn. I’ll have to bring you in one day ~~as soon as you’re back because I don’t think I can wait much long~~ so you can meet them. They’ve met Sousuke and Haruka plenty of times now, they love them and I know they’ll love you, too!

Haru is swimming a lot ~~but he misses you so much, he won’t say it, though. You know Haru~~. We’ve managed to coax him into an inside pool so he’s at least a little warmer, and we’ve tried to call him out on some days, but he continues to insist on swimming ~~because it’s the only way he won’t worry about you and whether you are safe or not~~. It’s okay, though, so long as he’s content.

Sousuke’s arm is healing beautifully, ~~to the point where he talks about swinging you around – you know, the way he used to all the time?~~ he’s almost back to swimming as much as Haru – but of course, that’s going to an extent I don’t think Sou can manage.

Don’t be a stranger, Rin. We love you! ~~And we know how the words make you anxious, but it’s true, our darling Rin.~~

Lot’s of love,

Makoto, Haruka and Sousuke.

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 03:07_  
To: Makoto  
From: Rin

Sorry, I forgot to tell you, I’m back next Sunday.

I’m glad the kids love Haru and Sou so much, I’d love to meet them.

At least Haru swims inside. ~~~~

I’m happy about Sousuke’s arm.

Of course, nobody can swim as much as Haru.

Anyway, talk soon.




 

 _5 Sept 20--, 06:46_  
To: Rin  
From: Haruka

Rin,

Stop being so monosyllabic. We love you.

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 06:46_  
To: Haruka  
From: Computer System

Nanase Haruka,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 06:49_  
To: Rin  
From: Sousuke

Rin,

There’s been a problem with our internet. Hopefully this one will send.

We can’t wait for you to come home. Especially me, Haru’s being annoying.

Sousuke

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 06:46_  
To: Sousuke  
From: Computer System

Sousuke Yamazaki,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 06:51_  
To: Computer System  
From: Sousuke

fucking hell

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 09:46_  
To: Makoto  
From: Rin

Hey,             

I’ve decided I’m going to come back earlier. If it isn’t a hassle, that is. I was hoping to come home on the Thursday, instead of the Sunday. Exactly a week from today.

Rin

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 10:00_  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

Rin,

Something is wrong with our connection. We can receive your emails but we can’t respond. I wish you would pick up the phone and call, or give us your Australian number so we can access you.

I’m delighted you are coming home early, why on earth would it be a hassle? Although, even a week from today seems too far away.

I hope this email manages to get through. We’re always thinking of you, Rin.

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 10:00_  
To: Makoto  
From: Computer System

Tachibana Makoto,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 19:32_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

In case you didn’t get my earlier email:

I might come home on the Thursday, instead of the Sunday, if that’s okay?

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 19:56_  
To: Rin  
From: Haruka

It’s not a problem. Hurry up and come home.

 

 _5 Sept 20--, 19:56_  
To: Haruka  
From: Computer System

Nanase Haruka,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _6 Sept 20--, 10:59_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I think you’ll be awake by now. Just a reminder, I’ll be coming home on Thursday. I bought my plane ticket already, not that I’m desperate.

Anyway, yeah, I’ll see you soon.

 

 _6 Sept 20--, 11:23_  
To: Rin  
From: Sousuke

I hope you are desperate, Rin, because we certainly are.

 

 _6 Sept 20--, 11:23_  
To: Sousuke  
From: Computer System

Sousuke Yamazaki,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _6 Sept 20--, 11:46_  
To: Rin  
From: Sousuke

You better get this email, god dammit. Rin, hurry up and come home.

 _6 Sept 20--, 11:46_  
To: Sousuke  
From: Computer System

Sousuke Yamazaki,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 05: 34_  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

Rin,

I hope you’re still okay. We haven’t heard from you for a little bit.

Sousuke won’t be able to answer you because he threw his laptop against the wall in retaliation to this mess.

Don’t worry, though. We’ll be seeing you soon and we can put all of this behind us.

Lot’s of love,

Makoto

 _7 Sept 20--, 05: 34_  
To: Makoto  
From: Computer System

Tachibana Makoto,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 14:56_  
To: Rin  
From: Haruka

Rin,

Email us. The water is becoming reckless.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 14:56_  
To: Haruka  
From: Computer System

Nanase Haruka,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _7 Sept 20--, 18:28_  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

Haru left his laptop to the wrath of the water. (The water is our faithful companion – Haru)

Lot’s of love,

Makoto

 _7 Sept 20--, 18:28_  
To: Makoto  
From: Computer System

Tachibana Makoto,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _8 Sept 20--, 07:01_  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

This is stupid. When you get home I’m going to take you so hard you’ll be seeing stars for _weeks_. God, I’ll end up smashing Makoto’s laptop next if we get the stupid email from the computer system.

We love you.

Sousuke

 _8 Sept 20--, 07:01_  
To: Makoto  
From: Computer System

Tachibana Makoto,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _8 Sept 20--, 09:16_  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

Rin,

Sousuke did not destroy my laptop. We are still accessible.

I wish you would talk to us, even if we can’t respond. Just let us know you’re okay, or something. Part of me wants to buy plane tickets and come and see you, to hold and you and tell you that you do not need to feel shy or anxious in this relationship.

You know that, Rin. Sometimes you forget, though. And that’s okay. We love you anyway.

Makoto

 

 _8 Sept 20--, 09:16_  
To: Makoto  
From: Computer System

Tachibana Makoto,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

8 Sept 20--, 12:09  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

I will do you in the pool when you get back. So gentle and slow that you will be desperate. I think that sounds like a good idea, do you not?

Haru

 

 _8 Sept 20--, 12:09_  
To: Makoto  
From: Computer System

Tachibana Makoto,

There is a problem with your internet connection. Your email did not send.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

You don’t think I’m clingy, do you? I’m not being a hassle with all these emails?

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I really miss you guys. So much, my chest aches.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I hope everybody is okay, it’s been two days since I last heard from you and I know it was longer before, but that was my fault, because I was too worried that you didn’t care and it took so much for me to message you and then I did and you answered and it was okay, but now I feel like I’m just pissing you off.

I love you, in case I don’t say it enough.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

This is my fourth draft in less than an hour. I want to come home. I want to see you. I want to feel you and I’m sorry.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I’ll stop now, but one more thing:

I love you all so much.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I think perhaps you didn’t get my email about coming home early, but I don’t have it in me to email again. My laptop is being really weird, so if I suddenly go offline, that is why.

But, considering how long you haven’t responded, I’m sure it won’t bother you if I suddenly disappear for a little while.

I love you.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I’m home in three days, I hope you don’t mind.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I love you.

I miss you.

Okay, have a good day.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:25_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I can refund my ticket if you tell me 48 hours before I’m due to arrive.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:30_  
To: Makoto, Haruka, Sousuke  
From: Rin

I cancelled my ticket, it’s okay.

 

 _10 Sept 20--, 08:42_  
To: Rin  
From: Makoto

We’re catching the next plane we possibly can, Rin.

 

 _11 Sept 20--, 00:00:00_  
To: Makoto  
From: Computer System

Tachibana Makoto,

All of your emails have been sent. We are sorry for this delay.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin's at the airport and sees someone he's definitely not expecting? And a little bit of a chat, but not the important one.

Rin wasn’t sure what woke him up. Perhaps the fan above his head, turning and turning and turning, never appearing to let up. Perhaps the sun streaming in through the window, landing across his face, warming his cool skin. Perhaps the clock beside him which was ticking away, as if it didn’t care that it could be at fault of waking Rin from his slumber. Perhaps Rin didn’t know, but he didn’t care much. Very rarely did he wake up on his own accord, so he would accept it.

Swallowing, Rin sits up, the covers falling from his chest and pooling in his lap. He squints at the calendar upon the wall, his heart thumping in his chest, fingers gripping the blankets covering him as he stares at the circled Thursday. He was to be on a plane today, to be going home. The mere thought made his chest constrict with ice. He hates to admit it, but Rin was _scared_. A stupid, silly reason, absolutely absurd because there was no reason to fear his boyfriends.

Yet, the emails over the past week insist he doesn’t venture home. Not for a while, at least. He wants to let everything cool down first, for those emails, which were _supposed_ to be drafts, to die down, for nobody to care what he said, for Makoto, Haruka and Sousuke to ignore them, to ignore them the way they had obviously ignored his other emails. Rin just wants to forget, to lay down and forget what happened, the words he’d spoken in haste. They had been drafts for a reason, he didn’t want anybody to hear them, he didn’t want them to know how vulnerable he felt when he was away and now it would be as clear as day. The ‘I love you’s he’d uttered, the ‘I miss you’s he’d typed up in the early hours of the morning, desperate to have Makoto’s arms around him, Haru’s lips at his ears and Sousuke’s heart beating with his. He wanted to feel their presence so badly and now Rin dreads ever feeling it again.

Yawning, Rin stretches his arms above his head, kicking his legs over the side of the bed and standing up. He’d lied, in the email saying he had cancelled his ticket. It had been a spur of the moment message as panic took over, knowing that all of his beloved drafts had been sent to the people he didn’t want to read them. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to cancel the tickets, he _wanted_ to go home.

Rin walks around the tidy bedroom he had been in for his stay in Australia, picking up a couple stray pieces of clothing and pushing them into his luggage. His suitcase sat against the far wall, open and waiting, a couple of presents poking out, one particular brown paper bag catching Rin’s attention, forcing his cheeks to burn as he settled on the edge of the bed, his legs feeling heavy and his heart weighing a ton. Inside the brown paper bag were three leather necklaces, a single ring wound around each one.

Rin’s fingers shook as he looked at the bag, wanting to give them to his boyfriends, to see their smiles as they saw that he cared about them, so why couldn’t they care for him? Yet, it was wrong to think they didn’t. Rin knew that. They loved him as much as he loved them, and it was wrong for him to think otherwise.

Rin stood, stretching his arms once more before grabbing the towel on the edge of his bed and heading downstairs to the pool. There are a couple of hours to burn before it’s time to leave for the airport, and he wants to feel the stress drip off of him.

Rin has yet to open his email account, yet to see if anybody had responded to his drafts, to the violation he’d felt. _It’s not like they’re going to hate you_ , he mentally scolds himself, stepping down the stairs quietly and out the backdoor. The sun was rising higher and higher, but the morning was still young and many were still sleeping. Rin gently lays his towel down beside the pool, stripping his pyjama shorts and shirt, his swimsuit underneath. He taught himself to wear his swimwear beneath his clothing when he was away from home, it made him feel as if Haru was still with him, and wherever Haru was, Makoto and Sousuke were, too.

Rin didn’t wait to feel the temperature of the water before he dived in, starting at a pace which would definitely set both Makoto and Sousuke off, but Haru would join him. His glide would be a comfort, his stroke quicker than Rin’s, but that would be okay because Rin was quitting anyway. In the water, Rin shook his head, trying to clear it. He quickened his pace, his arms arching as he free-styled to the greatest extent he could. He imagined he was surrounded by them, closing his eyes tightly as he thought of Sousuke’s hot breath on his neck, Haru’s nimble fingers rubbing his thighs, spreading them, massaging them, teasing him but never touching him where he yearned. Makoto’s fingers would run through his hair, clinging and pulling, but always gentle. Their lips would touch, so briefly, but then Makoto would duck his head and bite and lick his throat with Sousuke.

Rin didn’t stop his laps except for when he swapped from free-style to backstroke, the sun warming his face as he sped through the pool. Makoto was the best at backstroke. Rin’s arms tired, but he pushed through, squeezing his eyes shut as he turned to do butterfly, his strokes still strong despite his weakening form. His legs quivered, but he ignored the pull as he continued, thinking of Sousuke beside him, Haruka swimming on the other side as Makoto sat with his feet in the pool a little ways off, watching them, smiling the way Makoto does.

“Shit!” Rin curses as his head hits the wall, having missed the cue to turn and go back. Rin stands up, touching his head and shaking the water from his face. It was best to not be distracted when racing, he knew this. How could he not be distracted when his thoughts were full of his boyfriends, though? “Shit.” Rin shakes his head again, gripping the side of the pool and hoisting himself up. Water slides from his body, his swimwear clinging, but he pays it no mind as he leans back on the cement, his arms reaching over his head. Rin stares up at the morning sky, silhouettes of a flock of bird’s flies through the sky and Rin shuts his eyes gently, exhaling.

_Oh, to be free._

A couple of hours later sees Rin climbing from a taxi, pulling his suitcase out behind him. Rin licks his lips, looking up at the sky once more, the sun glaring behind white clouds. Rin inhales, squaring his shoulders and walking inside with a stride and confidence he doesn’t feel. He forces himself to be sure, though, to know that going home was the best thing for him. He could crash with Gou, or something. He didn’t have to go home.

Rin checks his bag in, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he walks into the bathroom. The mirrors are filthy, but they don’t distort his image. Rin stands tall, but he knows he’d still fall short in comparison to Sousuke and Makoto, and he was beginning to tie with Haru in height. Rin’s maroon hair was pulled back in a ponytail, his legs clad in a pair of tight black jeans, a black singlet wrapped taut around his torso, followed by a loose white jacket. Rin exhales, wiping at his eyes as he looks at himself in the mirror, refusing to cry or make any sign that he felt as if everything had been fucked up.

Rin pulls away from the mirror, sliding his bag off his back and taking out his ticket. The piece of paper wobbles in his grasp and it’s only then that Rin realises he’s shaking. His fingers can hardly grip anything and he feels a swell of fear beginning, but knows it’s stupid. Why should he fear anything? He’s not scared of planes and there’s nothing else to be fearful of. Not unless he thinks about the reaction of his boyfriends when he returns-- No. No, that’s not something to be scared of.

Rin shakes his head, he breathes in deeply and then he turns and leaves, reaching for the bathroom door with nimble fingers. The door swings open, but not from Rin’s actions, and whacks said-person in the shoulder. Rin flinches, stepping back quickly, reaching up to clutch his arm as he bites his lips.

“Fuck, sorry!” Rin frowned at the fluent Japanese, “I mean, um, _sorry_?” The apology in English made Rin blink and he looks up at the stunning blue eyes and black mop of hair. Rin takes in the lithe build, muscles tucked beneath skin which is further tucked beneath a blue jacket and white pants. Rin’s brain recognises the face before Haru recognises Rin, but then Rin sees his eyes widen, his lips part slightly as he blinks. “Rin!”

Rin bit the inside of cheek, his face burning as he takes a hasty step backward, only to knock into a man who’s trying to get out of the bathroom.

“ _Sorry_ ,” Rin apologises quickly, his English flawless as the man scowls and pushes past both Haru and himself, forcing Rin into Haru’s body, which is the worst possible thing to happen right now. Haru’s arms lock around him tightly, holding him close in a hug which only Haru could provide. Against his better judgement, Rin’s arms came up to wrap around Haru, clinging tightly – tighter than he’d ever admit to.

Haru didn’t say anything, but that was the special thing about Haru – he could be silent and yet saying a thousand words. His fingers massaged Rin’s back, the tight coils of tension that had built over the past week. Rin was increasingly aware of how much room the two of them were taking up, standing in the small doorway of the bathroom. Men probably wanted to come in, but Rin pushed the thought away as soon as Haru maneuverer them into the closest stall, not once breaking the precious contact.

Once the door closed behind them and the unsanitary toilet lid was dropped Haru pressed Rin down, squatting in front of him, his hands warm and comforting against Rin’s thighs. Rin met Haru’s eyes and no words were spoken, but Haru caught Rin’s questions: _Why was he here? How was he here?_ Haru licked his lips, standing up and sliding onto Rin’s lap, forcing Rin to look up.

“You think we don’t care.” Of course, it wasn’t a question. Haru wrapped his arms around Rin tightly, pressing Rin’s forehead to his chest, holding the young man tightly, as if he were the most precious body of water in the world, the most cherished. Rin relaxed into the embrace, squeezing his eyes shut as his own arms wrapped around Haru’s waist, holding, clinging. Rin forgot about his plane ticket and instead focused on his breathing and Haru’s beating his heart which he could hear so loud and clear.

The bathroom door slams open, making Rin flinch. “Haru?” Sousuke’s voice, strong and authorised as he knocks his knuckles against the stall beside them.

“Here,” Haru pulls away from Rin, despite Rin’s desperation to keep a hold. Haru reaches for the stall door, opening it gently and Sousuke pokes his head in, frowning, until his eyes fell on Rin. Sousuke inhales sharply and slides past Haru to reach for Rin and Rin isn’t sure what to expect as Sousuke stops in front of him, reaches around to grip Rin’s neck.

“You idiot,” Sousuke manages to get the words out before their lips meet and Rin can’t stop his knee-jerk reaction when Sousuke takes control like that. His legs lift up, wrapping around Sousuke’s waist tightly, his arms reaching for Sousuke’s own neck and then he’s clinging like he was born to do this. Haru presses the stall door shut once more as Rin holds Sousuke and Sousuke holds Rin, arms wrapped around bodies and lips connected in such a perfect harmony that tears build in Rin’s eyes before he can blink them away.

Once the kiss has lost its power, Sousuke gently drops Rin to his feet.

“Let’s go find Makoto.” Sousuke looks at Haru, who nods and takes Rin’s hand as Sousuke takes the other. Rin swallows as he’s lead from the stall and then from the bathroom, both Haru and Sousuke easily ignoring the eyebrow raises passed by those around. There weren’t many odd stares, though, considering this was an airport and it was busy, full of individuals trying to find their flights, family or mere destination, whether it be baggage claim, food, or something entirely different.

Rin catches sight of Makoto before Haru and Sousuke, noticing the brown headed young man sitting at a table outside a café, three backpacks around him, and nothing else. Rin briefly wonders if that was the only baggage brought, but the thought was wiped from his mind when Makoto raises his head, a soft smile on his lips as he catches sight of Haru and Sousuke, the smile drops when he sees Rin, though, walking between the other two. Rin’s heart thumps against his ribcage and he swallows anxiously as Makoto stands up, dropping the book he’d been reading.

“Rin,” Makoto whispers, stepping toward the three individuals, touching Rin’s cheeks gently. The smile comes back, fuller, and then Rin’s being pulled into a tight embrace. “Thank goodness.”

The hug doesn’t last as long as Rin would like, but Makoto pulls the three of them towards the table he had found, dragging a fourth chair over. Rin shakes his head, though, his cheeks warming.

“I have a plane,” he mutters, feeling rather pathetic as Sousuke raises an eyebrow, taking a seat.

“You cancelled, though.”

Rin begins to shake his head, but Haru’s words cut him off.

“No, you didn’t.” Haru sighs, dropping into a chair, somehow making it appear graceful. Makoto frowns, taking Rin’s hand to pull him closer.

“Rin, we came to see you. We were worried and we wanted to make sure you were okay after everything that happened, with our internet and whatnot.”

Rin frowns at the choice of words, taking a slight step towards Makoto. “The internet?”

Makoto exhales, nodding. “Didn’t you receive our emails? We were told they sent?”

Rin flushes, swallowing and fidgeting. “I haven’t checked since--” Rin cuts off with a shrug, staring up at the scream which has a list of flights boarding soon. His flight is there, at the bottom, but still there.

Makoto nods, as if it makes sense, but Rin knows it doesn’t. It can’t possibly make sense. Why would he not check his emails when there was the possibility there would be a reply to those stupid drafts? Rin’s fingers are back to their shaking, and Makoto squeezes his hands tightly.

“Rin, when is your flight?”

Rin licks his lips and nods toward the screen, muttering out his flight number. Sousuke stares up at the screen before grabbing one of the backpacks and standing up. He then leaves, not a backward glance as he stalks towards the check-in desks. Rin watches him go, taking a seat as Sousuke marches past the line-up, stopping to apologise to an elderly couple who he cuts in front of just before they walk to the desk.

Makoto tugs against Rin’s hands once more, guiding him to the chair between himself and Haru, opposite the one Sousuke had been occupying. Makoto continues to hold Rin’s hand with one of his, while the other one lifts to his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly.

“What’s been going through that mind of yours?” Makoto muses quietly, and Rin manages a shrug. They sit in silence, watching as Sousuke has an argument with somebody on the other side of the desk. Rin keeps one eye on the time and becomes slightly worried as boarding times ticks closer and closer, not sure what would happen to his luggage if he was to miss it. The plane would not leave with his luggage, but Rin still felt slightly worried about it.

Sousuke finally came back, carrying three tickets. He stops beside the table, staring down at the three of them. He held out one ticket to Haru and another to Makoto.

“We have to go now if we want to make it on that flight.”

There were no more words spoken as they all stood up, falling into step with each other. Rin relaxes as he walks between Sousuke and Makoto, a sense of calm washing over him as he walks with them to the gate. Once on the plane, Rin realises he’s not sitting immediately next to any of them. The late ticket purchase meant all four of them were split up. Sousuke was in the aisle in front of him, though, and Makoto another three in front of him, whilst Haru sat on the opposite side, two back.

Rin’s fingers clench and unclench in his lap as the plane takes off. He manages to sleep for a few hours, but his blood seems to be pounding too loud in his ears and he can’t sleep without startling awake, thinking his heart will burst from his chest. At the beginning of the descent into Japan, Rin’s palms sweat and his teeth gnaw into his lower lip. He’s not sure what to expect, and it worries him.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin reads a few letters whilst on his way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, furthermore this chapter is quite short, but the next one should be up soon :)  
> Thank you for sticking by!

Dear Rin,

I have nine hours to kill on this plane flight and Makoto says I should write you letters so that when I see you again, I won’t want to throttle you for you stupidity. So, instead, I’ll write it all down in this letter – I believe Haru is writing one, too.

Firstly, I love you. Maybe you’ve forgotten? I don’t know, but I do know that you are an incredibly individual and I feel honoured that I am able to call you my boyfriend. Don’t forget that, you idiot. You are special, but you probably forget it. Which is easy to understand, because Haru is amazing at what he does, as is Makoto. You’re good, too, though, Rin.

That’s my second piece to this letter. You are a brilliant swimmer. Perhaps you’re not as good as Haru – I’m not saying you aren’t, I’m making the same observation as you, the one you have all day, every day – but you are greater than average and I wish you would get it through your thick head. Maybe you aren’t as good with children as Makoto, but neither am I, and neither is Haru. We each have our own skills, Rin. We aren’t all identical and you know this better than anyone.

My arm has healed nicely and I hope you know that the second the opportunity arises I will have you in my arms, against the bedroom wall, against the shower wall, in the bathtub, in the car, on the train when it’s packed and you’re nervous people will see, I will have you all the time and I will swing you because I know you love it, although you never admit it, and I will show you that I love you so fucking get it already.

I love you, you numbskull, and that’s all I have to say.

Sousuke

 

Dear Rin,

Stop competing. You are good, you are great, and you are amazing. So stop competing. Stop putting yourself down. It’s stupid and you aren’t stupid so stop interacting with stupidity.

Haru

…Makoto said I had to write something more.

So, I love you.

Haru

 

Dear Rin,

I wish you would talk to us more. I know you feel very self-conscious about it, but communication is the key to a healthy relationship and I know you want this to last, as we do, too. You’re not a hassle, never have you ever been a hassle. We love your emails, we love it when you message us because you want to talk to us and you’re curious and interested. They are sides to you we so rarely see, you’ve always got this hardened wall up and I love you, Rin, but it can be infuriating sometimes.

I worry when you are in Australia, because you’re so far and I can’t get to you when you need somebody. Sousuke and Haru feel the same way. We all love you so dearly, Rin, and I know you know that, deep down.

When we see you, and when we get home, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know what any of us are going to do, but I think Haru and Sousuke have something in mind which contains a lack of clothing and a lot of heavy breathing. I’m smiling now, because I can imagine your flush whilst reading this. I can’t wait to see you, Rin. I’ve missed you dearly.

Lot’s of love,

Makoto


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The arrival home and some talking which turns into something else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! :)  
> I changed the rating to explicit because I don't want this chapter to be higher than mature - but I honestly don't know if anybody would consider it that, but just in case, I changed the rating from mature to explicit (just to be safe).

Rin shuffled the letters together, chewing on his lower lip as he sat in the back of the taxi, squished between Haru and Makoto, as Sousuke had happily bagsed the front seat. Their luggage, all of it, had somehow managed to squish into the trunk, which left Rin quite baffled, but he didn’t dwell on it.

Why would he dwell on a small thing like that when he had two of his boyfriends pressed to his side and all of their letters scattered in his lap? Rin swallowed, peering down at the scrawled writing of Sousuke once again, trailing the words with his finger, nibbling his lower lip. He barely resisted a jolt when Makoto rested his palm atop his hand. Rin glanced at the young man, but Makoto was staring out the window, looking at the night sky as the taxi swerved through streets, the airport disappearing behind them. Rin looked down at the hand Makoto had placed upon his, his heart thumping in his chest.

When they arrived home, Sousuke paid the driver and Haru, Rin and Makoto grabbed their luggage – or rather, Rin’s luggage and the three backpacks – and headed inside. Makoto released Rin’s hand to unlock the front door, stepping into the dark house with a sigh, his shoulders relaxing as he breathed in the scent of homeliness. Behind him, Haru stepped inside, dumping the bags he was carrying beside the door and then stepping quickly across the lounge room, kicking his shoes off hurriedly and stripping his clothes as he made his way to the bathroom. Rin licked his lips, stepping into the house, inhaling the smells.

Mackerel had been cooking at some point in the past 36 hours, the grilled scent still drifting through the house. It mingled with the candles which Makoto insisted upon, sitting on the windowsills, half melted but still perfect. There was a swimsuit draped over the couch, a towel beside it and a bag on the floor. Haru’s, Rin noted duly, stepping further into the house, kicking his shoes off and carrying the bags he was holding to the bedroom they shared.

Stepping into the room made Rin stop, a wave of apprehension drifting over him. The bed covers were rumpled, indicating a lack of order the morning they had made the decision to leave. Makoto always made up the bed, and if he forgot, Haru was always there to fix it. This bed was a mess of sheets and not much else. Rin noted the laptop beside the bed, sitting open with an easy view of the shattered screen. Through the stickers all over it, it was identifiable as Sousuke’s, the one he’d thrown at the wall. Rin dumped the bags at the door, stepping to the bathroom attached, knowing Haru would have taken the one out in the hall, for that was the only one with a bath.

Rin closed the bathroom door behind him, leaning his back against it and exhaling shakily. He briefly debated about locking, but chose against it as he stripped down to his underwear, reaching into the shower to turn the taps, welcoming the hot spray that shot out, filling the room with steam quickly. Rin stripped his underwear off, stepping into the shower with a satisfactory moan, tipping his head back, pinning his hair up in a bun. There was not much more he hated than having wet hair when he wanted to sleep, and he had a strong detest of hair dryers.

The soap sat in the niche in the wall, four razors of different colours sitting behind it. Rin ran a finger down his thigh, cupping his calf, his thumb dragging across the skin, feeling the small hairs which were growing. It had become a habit to always shave as a swimmer, not something everybody did, or were expected to do, but something the four of them did. It just made gliding through the water so much easier.

 _Of course_ , Rin thought briefly, stretching his arms over his head, _you’re thinking about not swimming anymore. So why would you bother to shave?_

Rin licked his lips, reaching for the red razor, his razor. He twisted the small object around in his fingers, sliding his finger against the sharp end before quickly retracting his hand, not wanting to draw blood because it would definitely gather the attention of his three boyfriends. Gripping the soap with his other hand, Rin lathered his body, following quickly with the razor, shaving off any hairs he had gathered over his time in Australia. The soft glide over his skin gave him goose-bumps, but he ignored the chill, tucking the razor and soap away once he was finished, instead turning to rinse his back off.

Rin startled violently at the sight of Sousuke, standing behind him, leaning against the bathroom door, arms crossed over the naked chest, standing in nothing but a pair of briefs. His dark hair was in his eyes, which were staring right at Rin, an intense teal flashing at a deep red. He hooked his fingers into his briefs, tugging them down as he stepped toward the shower, pulling the door open and stepping into the hot spray. Rin took a step back as Sousuke closed the shower door behind him, not much more than a centimetre keeping them apart, and their cocks rubbed together ever so slightly, causing Rin to release a shaky moan which ended with Sousuke’s name.

The next second, said man was pressing Rin to the cool tile wall, his mouth on Rin’s and his thigh between Rin’s, rubbing gently against Rin’s slowly hardening cock, the genital area slowly swelling, coming to life. Rin stifled a moan, his fingers gripping Sousuke’s shoulders tightly, his thigh involuntarily hiking itself up onto Sousuke’s hip, a move which had been engraved into Rin’s mind and now happened through habit. Sousuke moulded his body against Rin’s, his tongue licking at Rin’s mouth, beckoning the shorter one to part the plump, pink lips. Rin did, with a hesitance he normally didn’t have, and then Sousuke was pushing against him harder, all the pent up tension of not touching was now being released.

Sousuke’s hands found Rin’s waist, hoisting the lighter male up against the wall, forcing both of Rin’s legs around his waist, causing Sousuke’s own swollen member to prod dangerously close to Rin’s backside. Rin’s breath escaped in a harsh pant as he gripped Sousuke’s shoulders tighter, his head tilted down to meet his lips in a desperate attempt to spark the flame which he feared had been dowsed. Sousuke’s hands found Rin’s bottom, two plump globes, pinching the soft skin, emitting a yelp of both surprise and hidden desire from Rin’s lips as he pulled back.

“God, I missed you,” Sousuke whispered against Rin’s neck, trailing little kisses, soft nips of the teeth, sucking on the collarbone when he reached it. Rin’s fingers dug into Sousuke’s shoulders, but at Sousuke’s barely hidden breath of pain, Rin moved his hold to his hair, twirling his fingers into the dark locks. “I want to rock you into the next week.”

A strangled sound escaped Rin’s lips, one he would never admit to, as he managed to utter out a single word, “please.” Rin’s legs tightened around Sousuke’s waist as said man lifted his hips slightly, the head of his cock rubbing against Rin’s hole, just enough for Rin to feel. Rin made an unintelligible noise as Sousuke dropped him back to the floor, reaching around to yank Rin’s hair-tie from his hair, causing the crimson strands to fall and soak up the water. Rin reached up to tuck it back, but Sousuke cupped his face, his large palms offering as much comfort as he possibly could, and Rin looked up to catch his eye once again.

“Leave it out.” Sousuke leaned down, touching their foreheads. “You look so much hotter with it out.” He shook his head, a hand sliding down, resting between Rin’s thighs, causing the shorter man to bite back a groan, clenching his hands tightly so he wouldn’t grip the wrist and force it to move higher – or force it away, as he so much feared he would. “Add a shower, make yourself wet?” Sousuke leaned down, his hand sliding up to capture Rin’s heated erection, causing Rin to yelp and step back – but Sousuke only followed, blocking him into the wall – his fingers gripping the tiled wall. “You’re so sexy, Rin.”

And then Sousuke stepped back, opening the shower door and pulling Rin from the hot spray, twisting the handles to turn the shower off. He didn’t bother drying himself or the red-haired man beside him, instead he opened the bathroom door, captured Rin in a tight hug, and spun him around, exiting the bathroom. Rin’s breath left him instantly, his fingers gripping for whatever they could of hot, wet flesh as Sousuke swung him around again before depositing him on the bed, soaking wet. Rin bounced a couple of times, flushing red, but it didn’t last as Sousuke crawled onto the bed, forcing Rin onto his back. Rin’s nimble fingers reached up to grip Sousuke’s hair as Sousuke’s hand slid down his thigh, hiking it onto his hip as it had been in the shower, and grinding down hard. Rin gasped, his head falling back and his hand clenching in Sousuke’s hair, his thigh beginning a slight tremble.

“I. Have. Missed. You. So. Much.” With each word Sousuke pushed harder, trying to regain the contact he had lost while Rin vacated in Australia. Rin felt tears sting his eye at the words, a heart-wrenching reaction he didn’t want to show. He had missed them all terribly, too. Each of them. Sousuke, Haru and Makoto.

“You aren’t starting without us, are you?” Haru demanded as he stepped into the bedroom, dripping wet and standing in his swimsuit. _Of course_ , Rin mused in his head, sitting up on his elbows as Sousuke sat back on his legs. Sousuke held out a hand, beckoning Haru over as Makoto switched off the hall light, closing the bedroom door behind him, dimming the bedroom lights overhead.

“No.” Makoto assured Haru, rubbing a hand down his back as he slid onto the bed, taking Rin’s hand. “We shouldn’t even be doing anything, Sousuke. Not until we talk.” Haru nodded along to Makoto’s words as he perched himself on the edge of the bed. Makoto moved to lean against the headboard, beckoning for Haru to crawl up to him, which the man did, although lewd and slow. Sousuke shuffled, pulling Rin with him to sit opposite Makoto, pulling Rin against his chest, bracketing him in with his ropey arms, as Makoto did the same with Haru – although, whilst Haru was placid and relaxed, hooking his legs over Makoto’s and lazily drawing pictures on Makoto’s thighs with his fingers, Rin was a ball of nerves, tense and ready to flee. Not that anybody would allow him to flee when they had only just gotten him back in their arms.

“Rin,” Makoto whispered and Rin jolted, lifting his head quickly to catch the gentle eyes that watched him. “Honey, where on earth has this shy demeanour come from?” Makoto leaned around Haru’s body to touch Rin’s ankle, causing the young man to blink rapidly, looking down at the contact. “You’ve always been so loud, and happy to talk, and now…” Makoto trailed off, squeezing Rin’s ankle as he shuffled forward, forcing Haru to move forward as well. Sousuke’s arms tightened around Rin, holding him close as Makoto lifted his hand to stroke Rin’s cheek, running his thumb beneath Rin’s eye and Rin hoped he hadn’t caught a stray tear.

“I don’t--” Rin swallowed and shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t know where to start, what to say--” He was cut off by Haru abruptly leaning forward, capturing his hands in his, and suddenly Rin was surrounded by all three of them. They offered security, comfort, a sense of safety. Rin took a moment to steady his rapidly thumping heart, inhaling and exhaling slowly before he blinked back the tears still building.

“Tell us about the emails.”

Oh. Oh, no. Rin shook his head, but Makoto stilted the movement. “Rin, you can’t bottle it up. What do you think we are going to do?”

Rin mumbled under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut. Sousuke’s arms tightened around him, on the verge of suffocating him, but instead providing comfort, a place to hide, even though he couldn’t escape the eyes. Sousuke pressed his mouth to Rin’s ear, his breath warm and Rin shivered, pressing back against the hard chest. He licked his lips, begging himself to stop shaking as he gripped Haru’s hands tightly, ducking his head to his chest.

“I thought, just,” Rin shrugged again, the feel of everybody around him making it that much more difficult. Makoto’s hands on his face lifted his face so he had to make eye contact, and he did, despite the desperation to pull away. “I thought, because it had been so long since we last spoke, that maybe you didn’t want--” _Me_. The word drifted around Rin’s head, but he couldn’t bring himself to utter it. He wasn’t afraid of the confirmation, because he doubted they would agree, but he didn’t want them to know how truly self-conscious he had been. It was pathetic. Rin, instead, shrugged. He had been shrugging an awful lot today.

Nobody spoke for a moment, and Rin soaked in the quiet, the steady thump of Sousuke’s heart behind him. Haru moved abruptly at one stage, sliding over Makoto’s lap and raising on his knees, leaning forward to touch his lips to Sousuke’s above Rin’s head. Makoto made move to stop him, and instead leaned forward, capturing Rin’s own lips, the delicate touch sparking something within Rin with a jolt. Rin’s fingers pulled from Haru’s as he lifted them to Makoto’s shoulders, gripping the fabric and momentarily forgetting that he and Sousuke were both naked, Sousuke’s erection seeming to fill against his back.

“Come here,” Makoto pulled back, dragging Rin with him. Makoto slid back against the headboard, pulling Rin onto his lap, Rin’s legs bracketing his hips, he didn’t seem to mind that Rin was making both him and the bed wet. Makoto’s hands slid from Rin’s cheeks to his shoulders, sliding down his back, sending a shiver through Rin’s body. Makoto’s larger palms came to a stop at Rin’s bottom, pulling him closer and Rin complied, sliding as close as he could, dipping his head to catch Makoto’s lips once again. The sound was sloppy, as was the texture, because Rin hadn’t been able to kiss in months and now he was feeling out of practice. His fingers slid up and down Makoto’s arms gently before slipping behind Makoto’s neck, gripping the small strands of hair there, pulling tight when Makoto nipped at his lower lip, his finger probing between Rin’s cheeks.

Rin pulled away, panting, his dark eyes on Makoto’s lighter ones. Something scratched at the back of Rin’s mind, but he pushed it away, choosing to not think about anything but what he felt, his heart fluttering in his chest as Makoto pushed him onto his back, climbing on top, the feathery touch of Makoto’s fingers as they slid from Rin’s backside and up his chest, tweaking his nipples before slipping back down, coming to a halt below Rin’s belly, but not touching anything. Rin was still panting, but he was captivated by Makoto’s eyes, which had not once left his. His fingers still gripped Makoto’s hair, clinging and tugging, eventually pulling to connect their lips once more, and as they touched, a gentle and hesitant brush, Makoto’s fingers dipped to Rin’s cock, wrapping and squeezing. Rin’s entire body shuddered, his fingers clenching, but Makoto paid no mind as his tongue dove into Rin’s mouth.

Rin wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, Sousuke and Haru making soft noises beside them as Sousuke surely prepared Haru. His fingers clenched and unclenched at the nape of Makoto’s neck, depending on the grip Makoto placed upon his erection and did with his lips, nibbling on Rin’s lower lip as his fingers did magical things, slipping and sliding. Rin blinked rapidly when Makoto’s head was pushed away, his hands captured and held gently above his head. Rin opened his eyes onto Haru’s blue ones and it took precisely three seconds for Haru to lean down and take his lips into his own, upside down of course. Haru’s nimble fingers tightened around Rin’s wrists, and when Haru pulled back, Rin opened his mouth to query why he was being held down, but the words escaped in a yelp as Makoto raised his thighs onto his shoulders, dipping his head to collect Rin’s semi-leaking member into his mouth. Rin’s eyes flashed down to see, his toes curling, but Sousuke’s head blocked his view as he bent down, capturing one of Rin’s nipples in his mouth, his teeth flashing white against the nub.

“Wha--” Rin’s words were cut off by Haru’s lips once more, and Rin was shoved into a pool of nothing but intense pleasure, over-powering every sense he had. His pants, mingled with the wet slide of tongue from Sousuke and Makoto, filled his ears like chiming bells, it couldn’t be ignored. He tasted Haru, mackerel and mint toothpaste, he smelt sweat and scented candles which were set up around the room, and he saw only the darkness behind his eyelids, which further intensified the touching of all three of his boyfriends. Haru’s fingers around his wrists, loose enough so Rin could escape if he truly desire, but tight enough to keep him in place as Makoto’s tongue swirled along the tip of his cock. Rin’s entire body jolted, beginning a slight tremble as Sousuke’s tongue ran down his belly, stopping at his belly button. Rin so desperately wished to dig his fingers into somebody’s hair, to ground himself and give him something to cling to. Instead, his toes curled and his thighs trembled upon Makoto’s shoulders, his hips jolting as he pressed them upward. Makoto caught them, though, halting the movement, and Rin whined, the sound muffled by Haru’s lips.

Haru sat back on his heels, looking down at Rin, releasing his wrists and Rin moved them instantly, swinging them down to grip Sousuke’s dark hair as his fingers moved to play with Rin’s nipples, tweaking and rubbing, whilst he pressed tender kisses to Rin’s belly, sliding up to where Makoto was pulling away from Rin’s erection. Rin’s fingers fell to the blankets beneath him, gripping tightly, trying to control his shaking. Makoto’s mouth had done wonders, but it was nothing like Sousuke’s, which would surely tip Rin over the edge. Makoto’s mouth, soft and gentle, turned to nibble along Rin’s thighs as Sousuke took his original spot, deep throating Rin instantly. Rin choked on a sound, feeling incredibly vulnerable with his legs over Makoto’s shoulders and Makoto sitting between them, nibbling on his sensitive thighs as Sousuke sat beside him, leaning forward to take Rin’s number one most sensitive area.

Nimble fingers stroked over Rin’s face, and the young man blinked up at Haru as he dragged his fingers over Rin’s lips and then up to his hair, dragging his hands through Rin’s long red locks, Rin stared Haru, captivated by the ocean in his eyes, that when Sousuke’s teeth came out, he squirmed, moaning low and loud. Haru’s lips twitched ever so slightly, tilting his head to look at Rin better, to see his boyfriend easier. Sousuke deep throated once again and Makoto moved his mouth down, ducking his head to poke his tongue between Rin’s cheeks and Rin lost all sense of control at the soft tickle, barely a touch. Rin’s hands twisted in the sheets and he used all the strength he had to drag his thighs from Makoto’s shoulders, dropping them to the bed on either side of him. The sudden move meant both Makoto and Sousuke were left without anything to ravish, and Sousuke turned his head to frown at Rin, but the young man had his eyes squeezed shut, breathing unsteadily.

At the back of Rin’s mind, he was remembering his decision to leave swimming, to stop. It would destroy all three of them, as much as it hurt him, but how could he keep it up when he was so horrible at it? It wasn’t fair for them to do so much for him when he was betraying them and the one thing which brought them all together in the first place. Swimming had been everything, and it still was to them, especially Haru, but not Rin. Rin wasn’t good enough for it to bother him – but it still did. His heart thumped against his chest, and he opened his eyes, swinging his legs over Makoto and off the bed. He sat up, tucking his face in his palms and his elbows on his knees as he inhaled and exhaled slowly, aware of the shaking in his shoulders.

Somebody moved beside him, sitting on the edge of the bed. A hand touched his naked thigh, rubbing up and down soothingly, slow and calm. Another hand touched his back, warm and heavy. Arms wrapped around his arm on his other side, a head tucking on his shoulder, knowing and compassionate. They sat there for a long time, Rin lost track as the night carried on, but he was gradually aware of the lump in his throat and the tears pressing at the back of his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, though, not in front of them. He shouldn’t have been worried, but it was _so hard_. He was strong before he left for Australia, and now he felt like his pieces were falling away.

Rin pulled away from the three beings around him, standing up and rubbing at his eyes quickly, he turned to go to the bathroom, to hide. He was good at hiding, it made him feel comfortable. Quick footsteps caught up with him, though, spinning him around and capturing him in a tight hug, a suffocating hold which Rin would have normally embraced for a couple of seconds and then make a lame excuse and exit it. He didn’t this time, though. The emotions were building and his heart _wouldn’t stop thumping_ and instead of pulling away he lifted his arms hugged, so tightly, wrapping his arms around the midriff of whoever was holding him. A hand came up to clutch the back of his head, cradling him, and Rin was ever-so-fucking-grateful to be held, not hugged, but _held_.

The emotions continued to build, a steady pulse, lifting with every thump of his heart until the tears welled and dribbled over his cheeks. There was no stopping them once they were out, and Rin was baffled by his crying, unsure as to where it was coming from, but he squeezed his eyes shut, buried his face in his holders arms and stopped caring.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin wakes up and begins to deal with the consequences of the past few days - but first, some domestic stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay with updates, I'm afraid it won't get any easier as I'm entering my final year of school and really need to focus. I'll do my best to complete this in the next month, but I'm always awful at promises. I hope you enjoy, nonetheless :)
> 
> I was also hoping to write the pool scene in this chapter, but it's late and I should get to bed - I thought, what would another update-less day mean, but then I thought it had been too long and it would only motivate me to write the next chapter sooner :) So, instead I thought a nice, domestic chapter would be nice.

It was the best slumber Rin had had since leaving for Australia. He missed the warmth of Sousuke and Haru, both pressed on either side of him. Makoto’s spot was always on the other side of Haru, and his arm was wrapped around Haru’s waist now, his hand splayed on the small of Rin’s back. One of Sousuke’s arms was hooked over Rin’s shoulders and Haru’s face was pressed to Rin’s shoulder.

That was how Rin woke up, compacted and warm.  

It was odd not waking up alone, but with his boyfriends around him. Rin lifted his head from the pillow slowly, blinking blearily, his stomach pressed against the mattress, his arms tucked against his chest. It was an unconscious sleeping position, he hadn’t slept on his back his entire time in Australia. It was a trust thing – that’s what his boyfriends had said, at least.

Rin was not about to complain, though. No, he’d missed it too dearly. Instead he rolled over, pressing his face to Sousuke’s chest and the muscular man wrapped his arms around Rin tightly, not seeming to wake from his slumber. Rin huddled close, his fingers gripping at Sousuke’s waist, and he fell back asleep, feeling a little more content than when he first woke. What felt like a couple of minutes later, but must have been an hour or two, Rin was aware of a gentle breeze sliding over his body.

Rolling over, he discovered the spot beside him was cold, the blankets pulled back, leaving him bare from the waist up. Groaning he sat up, rubbing at his eyes and sliding his fingers through his red locks, tucking stray strands behind his ears. Blinking open bleary eyes, Rin looked around the empty room, confused for a moment about the wide space and the familiar sheets beneath his body, until he remembered he was no longer in Australia.

It was a nice realisation, one Rin held close as he slid from the warmth, standing beside the bed, stark naked. He stretched his arms above his head, popping something in his shoulder before heading to the bathroom. His fingers gripped the white bowl in the vanity, his head dipping low to allow easier access when splashing his face with water. When he lifted his head, Rin met his gaze in the mirror, steady-on and inquisitive.

_Where was everybody?_

Standing up straight, Rin grabbed a pair of boxers before leaving the bedroom, pulling them on as he stumbled down the hallway, still half asleep, but feeling much more aware now that he was moving about in Japan and not Australia. The hallway smelt like mackerel, bacon, eggs, tomato, mushrooms and the almighty pancakes, and Rin’s stomach rumbled as the smell intensified the closer he came to the kitchen. His arms, sore from yesterday’s swimming – something which never happened – ached as he leaned against the kitchen doorway, a fond smile playing across his face as he watched the scene in front of him.

Haru was standing at the stove top beside Makoto, both wearing an apron over their bodies, but where Makoto wore boxer briefs, Haru wore his swimwear. It sparked a sweet sensation of home in Rin’s mind, and the young man continued to watch on as they spoke quietly to each other.

“Rin will eat mackerel.” Haru was saying, his tone certain.

“He might want to try the bacon, too.” Makoto scrambled eggs in one pan with tomato and mushrooms in another, while the bacon was in the same pan as the mackerel, with Haru doing his utmost best to keep the different produce from touching each other. Another pan sat at the back of the stove top where pancakes were slowly being flipped onto a bowl beside it. “And everything else.”

Haru shrugged, but didn’t say anything else as he flipped the mackerel and, begrudgingly, the bacon. He did however, huff in exhaustion, leaning heavily on Makoto’s shoulder until the other man lifted his arm to drape around Haru’s shoulders, drawing him into a tight side hug. The action made Rin’s breath catch in his throat, the intimacy in such a small movement almost too much to bear when he was feeling so… So…

Rin wasn’t sure what he felt, it was such a foreign feeling.

“I’m worried about him.” Haru’s words were whispered, almost passing straight over Rin, but the crimson haired man caught them, his heart beginning to pound quite a bit faster in his chest. His fingernails dug into the wood of the doorway, gripping it tightly as Haru turned his head, pressing a chaste kiss to Makoto’s bare shoulder, one which Makoto retaliated by kissing Haru’s temple, putting the spatula down and turning to face Haru, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“I am too.” Makoto’s words were lost in Haru’s mop of hair, but Rin knew them. He took a step back, wanting to go back to the bedroom and wake up again. He spun around, only to hit a hard chest instantly. Rin’s eyes widened, snapping up to the crystal clear ones of Sousuke, who was frowning at the slightly shorter man, a towel around his waist and shoulders.

“I thought you were in bed.” Sousuke’s voice was low and husky, something Rin had missed dearly, and it took everything he had to not throw himself into Sousuke’s arms.

“I woke up,” Rin managed, feeling heat begin to spread from his neck and upward as Sousuke turned him around and pushed him into the kitchen. The movement caught Haru and Makoto’s attention, as the two of them broke from their embrace. Haru turned back to the food while Makoto beamed at the sight of his two other boyfriends, stepping over to hug Sousuke, pressing a kiss to his lips, and then to hold Rin, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Rin tried to not feel hurt by the imperceptible change.

Instead, he returned the hug and took his seat at the table, Sousuke moving to the living area where a pile of laundry was sitting on the couch arm, folded and waiting to be put away. Sousuke pulled a pair of boxers from the pile, sliding them on under his towel before discarding both towels over the back of the couch, much to Makoto’s dismay.

It was a pleasant breakfast, a big meal with fresh juice, just as Rin remembered it. The only unpleasant aspect would be the continuous cutting glances Haru would cast his way before averting his gaze to the mackerel on his plate, poking at it pointlessly. Rin also couldn’t ignore Makoto’s twitchy fingers every time their hands would be resting on the table top beside each other, or the way Sousuke’s feet would kick out every now and again, catching Rin’s ankle. Normally it would spark playful banter between the two, a kicking game until Makoto would scold them both and tell them to quit it. Instead Sousuke apologised and tucked his feet away.

“I want to go to the pool today.” Haru’s words cut across the silence as Sousuke and Rin stood up to clear the dishes away. “All four of us.”

“Haru,” Makoto cleared his throat, standing to help clear the table, despite Sousuke’s insistence that he sit and relax because he had helped cook breakfast. “The pool is closed.”

“Exactly.”

Makoto shook his head, filling the sink with hot and soapy water. “How do you plan on getting inside?”

“You have a key.” Haru stood up, pushing his chair in and leaning his hip against it, crossing his arms over his chest. Makoto opened his mouth to protest, but Haru nodded once and then turned and left, disappearing down the hallway. The bathroom door shut a moment later, leaving the other three in silence once more.

Rin swallowed, feeling that he should break it, but unsure how. He’d never felt like this before and he thought briefly that he should just come clean about everything, his insecurity, his desire-that-was-not-a-desire-but-seemed-practical to drop swimming. How much he had really missed them.

But he couldn’t, he didn’t know how at least.

“I might stay home.” The words had barely escaped his lips before Sousuke swore, his hand sliding across the edge of a knife. Rin’s eyes widened, turning to watch as his lover hissed another curse word, grabbing paper towel to press to the blood, his steely eyes cutting across to Rin in such a harsh way that Rin instantly took a step back.

“What on earth do you mean?” Makoto asked Rin, his voice steady but with a slight tremble underneath as he grabbed a bandaid from the medical kit under the kitchen sink. “Rin, we always go to the pool together.”

Rin swallowed, “I know, but--”

“But what?” Sousuke growled as Makoto put the bandaid on his finger, shaking his hand as he stepped toward Rin, grabbing the slighter man’s shoulder tightly and almost shaking him. “What, Rin? What’s wrong?”

Rin didn’t know how to answer, he was close to the tears that last night had seen and he desperately didn’t want to go back there, but it was so hard to not, so hard to stay true to who he felt he was. Inhaling slowly, Rin fought to compose himself, but Sousuke leaned forward, his face inches from Rin’s.

“No, Rin, don’t do that.” Sousuke pressed his lips to Rin’s, his hands sliding from his shoulders down his arms and over the small of his back, lowering to grab at his ass, pulling him closer. Rin moved with a gasp, allowing Sousuke’s tongue to dive into his mouth. Rin’s fingers grabbed at Sousuke’s shoulder blades, prepared to hate himself if he accidentally hurt Sousuke, but no sound was made to indicate that. Sousuke leaned forward, pushing Rin off balance, but he didn’t fall for Makoto took up residence behind him, holding his hips in his hands, his lips pressed to Rin’s neck. Sousuke withdrew, his hands dipping down the back of Rin’s boxer briefs, his thumb sliding along the bare skin. “Don’t hide yourself, tell us what’s wrong so we can make it better.”

The words were on the tip of Rin’s tongue, he knew what he wanted to say, knew how to say it, but he couldn’t. He struggled to find right wording without sounding like a desperate, needy boyfriend. He didn’t want them to think he was pathetic and attention-seeking, because he wasn’t, he was happy for them to be attentive to others and not him-- but at the same time, he craved it.

He should never have gone to Australia.

“Rin, baby, talk to us.” Makoto’s breath was against his ear, hot and moist and perfect. Rin’s knees crumbled beneath him and Makoto and Sousuke went to the floor with him, cradling him in their arms, rocking the emotions out of him, despite his wishes to keep them tucked away.

“Okay,” Rin nodded hastily, grabbing at Sousuke’s arms and leaning into Makoto’s chest. “Let’s go to the pool.” Anything to make you stop pushing me. Please.

For a moment he thought they would pressure him into talking, but then he remembered it was Makoto and Sousuke, and perhaps Sousuke would do it when they were alone, but not with Makoto present. Between the two of them Rin managed to get his legs locked beneath him, rising slowly.

Sousuke turned around to do the dishes while Makoto led Rin from the kitchen to the bathroom, fishing out their swimwear and setting Sousuke’s on the end of the bed as he pulled his own on, beckoning for Rin to do the same. Rin was shocked by the old pair tossed at him, an old pair of Haru’s that he hadn’t wanted to get rid of, and he opened his mouth to ask where his were when he remembered he had yet to unpack them from his suitcase.

Turning to look at said suitcase, Rin realised he hadn’t unpacked anything. Remembering the brown paper bag Rin stumbled to the bag, dropping to his knees and unzipping it, dragging out all of his clothes into a pile.

“Rin?” Makoto walked up behind him, kneeling beside him as Rin dipped his hand into the suitcase, withdrawing a couple of silver wrapped presents and the beloved brown paper bag. He held it to his chest for a long moment, chewing his lower lip, unsure whether it was right to go through with it anymore. Makoto’s larger palm rested across Rin’s thigh, making the other snap his head up, eyes wide, but Makoto smiled. “Are you okay?”

It took a moment for Rin to nod, dropping the brown paper bag back into the suitcase and instead handing the silver wrapped present to Makoto, the other two he set on the bed. Makoto frowned at the gift, but then smiled, standing up and taking Rin’s hand, drawing him to the bed, where he settled down, pulling Rin into his lap. Makoto’s hands wound around Rin’s waist, settling the present in Rin’s lap, resting his chin upon Rin’s shoulder.

“Let’s wait for the others.”

It took ten minutes for Sousuke and Haru to join them, one with a temper and the other soaking wet, but as Makoto waved at them to take a seat, they did so, frowning at the gifts but picking up their delegated one.

“Rin bought these from Australia,” Makoto spoke clearly. “We should open them together.”

Neither Haru or Sousuke spoke, but they both nodded, already beginning to rip at the paper, forcing Makoto to hurry and catch up, his own fingers tearing at the edge of the paper.

“They aren’t very good.” Rin mumbled, thinking of the cliché souvenirs he had bought, suddenly wishing he’d put a little more thought into it—but then he remembered the brown paper bag and his worry was replaced with anxiety over what they would think.

“Oh,” Haru was the first to speak, finally managing to rip the paper away. He stared at the snow globe in his hand, tilting it to the side and upside down, watching as the hundreds of little dolphins all swam over the ‘Sydney Harbour’ writing, in the direction the globe was twisted. Haru blinked in awe, tilting it again and again until he finally settled it down and leaned over, his arm hooking around Rin’s neck, pulling the unsuspecting man into a tight hug and then heart-racing kiss. Rin returned the embrace and the kiss, his heart lifting a little at Haru’s affection. “I love it.” Haru pulled back, crawling across the bed to put the snow globe on the bedside table, but not before tilting it once more, watching in awe as the dolphins moved fluidly through the glass.

Rin cracked a small smile, his eyes flickering to Sousuke who was frowning at the boomerang in his hand, which made the smile wobble, until Sousuke placed it on the bed, turning to catch Rin’s face in his hands.

“Rin, you didn’t have to buy us gifts.”

Rin licked his lips. “I know, but… But I wanted to.”

Sousuke smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, as he pulled Rin into his own hug. “You being home, safe and sound, is the only gift we needed.”

Rin blinked away the tears that formed in his eyes, instead leaning back in Makoto’s arms, who was holding the koala plushie like it meant the world to him. His arms wrapped tightly around Rin’s mid-section, holding him tight as Sousuke slipped away, sliding the boomerang onto the other bedside table, leaning over to catch Haru around the waist, pulling the lithe man into a kiss as Makoto whispered thanks in Rin’s ear.

“As Sousuke said, you being here is enough, but thank you.” Makoto stood up then, forcing Rin to as well. He turned around in Makoto’s arms, latching his own around Makoto’s neck to hold him close until Sousuke rolled off the bed and dragged his bathing suit on, pulling Haru with him into the hallway to gather towels and everything else in order to leave for the pool sooner rather than later.

As Rin left the embrace, his eyes caught on the brown paper once more, and he thought about giving them out now. He was distracted by Haru’s shouting from the living area, though, demanding that he and Makoto hurry up so they could spend longer at the pool.

Rin left the house with a smile on his face, even if it was a weak one.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay with updates, I'm afraid it won't get any easier as I'm entering my final year of school and really need to focus. I'll do my best to complete this in the next month, but I'm always awful at promises. I hope you enjoy, nonetheless :)
> 
> I was also hoping to write the pool scene in this chapter, but it's late and I should get to bed - I thought, what would another update-less day mean, but then I thought it had been too long and it would only motivate me to write the next chapter sooner :) So, instead I thought a nice, domestic chapter would be nice.


End file.
